Friends… I have made a pleasant and fascinating discovery that may just rock your world. At the very least it should provide a small amount of entertainment the next time you are looking to shirk your responsibilities.

stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Check it. Seriously. It’s hilarious. A time-waster well spent. As per usual with my recommendations, if you have no sense of humor then don’t waste your time on the brilliance of this site. And work on removing the stick from your rear.

My favorites include…

Marathons
To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon.  Not to win, just to run.When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).

Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore
Apparently, once music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people… Even as you read this, white people are telling other white people about the golden age of Hip Hop that they experienced in a suburban high school or through a viewing of The Wackness. If you are good at concealing laughter and contempt, you should ask a white person about “Real Hip Hop.”  They will quickly tell you about how they don’t listen to “Commercial Hip Hop” (aka music that black people actually enjoy), and that they much prefer “Classic Hip Hop.”

Threatening to Move to Canada
Often times, white people get frustrated with the state of their country. They do not like the President, or Congress, or the health care system, or the illegal status of Marijuana. Whenever they are presented with a situation that seems unreasonable to them, their first instinct is to threaten to move to Canada.

Microbreweries
White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire.  Beer is no exception. They generally try to avoid beers like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken because if it’s mass produced it is bad.  No exceptions. Also of note: most white people want to open a microbrewery at some point.  One that uses organic hops.

Recycling
Recycling is a part of a larger theme of stuff white people like: saving the earth without having to do that much. Recycling is fantastic! You can still buy all the stuff you like (bottled water, beer, wine, organic iced tea, and cans of all varieties) and then when you’re done you just put it in a DIFFERENT bin than where you would throw your other garbage. And boom! Environment saved! Everyone feels great, it’s so easy!

And finally… as an homage to one of my employers (and to the fact that I try to sell real outdoor gear to people who make too much money and will never actually use outdoor clothing for its intended purpose)…

Outdoor Performance Clothes
When white people aren’t working, they generally like to wear Outdoor Performance Clothes. The top suppliers of these garments and accessories include North Face, REI, Mountain Equipment Co-op, Columbia Sportswear and Patagonia. When you see white people wearing these, it is important that you do not discuss business matters.  Instead you should say things like “where did you get that fleece?”

The main reason why white people like these clothes is that it allows them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park. It could be 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday when they might  get a call “hey man, you know what we need to do? Kayak then camping, right now. I’m on my way to get you, there is no time to change clothes.” Though it is unlikely that they will receive this call, White people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities because they weren’t wearing the right clothes.

 Enjoy!

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